Becoming Nobody Special

Posted on 05/25/2012 by

ahhh, airline travel. so friendly, convenient, stress free these days.

okay, that was a joke. get it? flown lately?

recently i traveled to chicago to bring my daughter back home for the summer. when i booked the flight for myself there and for both of us home, i splurged and paid for extra leg room which included a free check-in bag each and early boarding. i felt special.

when we arrived at the airport, our flight was delayed, then delayed again and again, then cancelled. three hours after we were supposed to take off we were running to another terminal to catch the next flight to los angeles. not our final destination but otherwise we’d be waiting until the following afternoon. not so special.

what i was soon to discover, in a most embarrassing and humiliating manner, was that the extra cash i doled out for all the extra perks didn’t apply to this new flight. this new flight and its corresponding flight attendants refused to honor the extra leg room and early boarding. and they were quite vocal about denying my request. the word special wasn’t in the equation.

my emotions moved quickly from frustration to anger, to embarrassment to shame to resignation, then finally to acceptance and humor. and as i slunk away with head down and bag in tow i saw my daughter – light, patient, accepting and utterly objective.

this gave me pause to remember something i’d come to see about this life. it’s not about being someone special that matters. its about becoming nobody special and enjoying every moment. it’s about loving and caring and living. i paid extra so i could feel special, i was informed that i wasn’t that special after all, and my ego was deeply wounded. but my ego isn’t who i truly am.

oh, i’m still going to write a letter to United Airlines. because we’re all here to do the best we can in whatever we find ourselves involved in. angry employees who humiliate and lie are not my idea of good job skills, but more likely the overworked employee. refusing to deliver our bags when they didn’t arrive with us in los angeles is not my idea of good service, but a company who cares little for their customer. i’ll explain it briefly and clearly, ending with the promise that i will do everything in my power as a consumer to use other, friendlier, more competent airlines that care about the people that fly with them, like JetBlue, Frontier and SouthWest. because everyone deserves to be treated kindly, with compassion and love, no matter the situation. for everyone who’s nobody special.

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Sculpture Extravaganza

Posted on 05/23/2012 by

this is my next trip, i hope. i know i can talk my husband into it. that’s the easy part. anyone want to come with us?!

Sculpture by the Sea, in Australia and Denmark

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Life Lessons 21

Posted on 05/21/2012 by

continuing the fourth and final Lifeclass lesson summary from Oprah.

Lesson 21: Love Doesn’t Hurt
“Your relationship with your spouse, with your family, with your friends all can change if you get this lesson that took me to my late 20s, probably mid-30s to actually fully realize: Love does not hurt.”

Lesson 21: Love Doesn’t Hurt
“When you trust yourself, it means you don’t tolerate being stood up more than one time. …You don’t tolerate chronic betrayal.”

Lesson 21: Love Doesn’t Hurt
“When you can trust that you love yourself, care for yourself, have enough honor and respect for yourself that you will not allow other people to harm you, then you can succeed in any relationship….It doesn’t mean that somebody won’t hurt you again. It means that when they do, you will know what to do…. You will not let that destroy you.”

Lesson 21: Love Doesn’t Hurt
“Love is truth. Love is grace, is joyful.”

so there you have them. you can look back on all by clicking the links below:

Life Lessons from 1 to 5

Life Lessons from 6 to 10

Life Lessons from 11 to 20

 

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Summertime Blues or Bliss?

Posted on 05/18/2012 by

summer is quickly approaching. there are children coming home from college, new colleges to transfer to, packing to complete, new homes and apartments to move into to, visitors to accommodate, trips to plan, and the list goes on and on.

years ago, i would have a schedule all laid out for us to follow, living in stress. the entire family. i was okay with change as long as it didn’t disrupt the larger picture. it all needed to be booked in advance.

today i watch life ebb and flow, smile as it twists this way and turns upside down, sideways and back again. stress still comes into the picture, but now i don’t hold on to it. oh, i still have desires and wishes for the people i love, but i try not to require much of them anymore. what a relief . . . for all of us.

both my daughters may be in NYC this summer, one for internship, the other for workshops. we love the city. this will give us an opportunity to be together in a city we all adore, seeing art and people watching. or maybe it won’t happen after all. yet whatever the outcome it’ll be just as it should be.

the four of us live in four different states. and that’s okay too. it’s temporary just like everything else. this year i’ll be moving to be with my husband. maybe next year our older daughter will come home for awhile. maybe not. but one thing i know for sure is that life is always as it should be, always remarkable and always bliss-filled. it’s up to us to make the decision to live there.

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Rumi

Posted on 05/16/2012 by

Do not seek any rules or method of worship.

Say whatever your painted heart chooses.

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Living in Surrender

Posted on 05/14/2012 by

this excerpt from The Book of Awakening is for a dear friend who’s suffering greatly.

Feeling Our Way Through

I used to struggle, fighting off sadness or trying not to be anxious, but as most of us learn, once that drop of melancholy or unrest beads on the heart, trying to feel anything else is denial. Once the mind like a long guitar string is somehow plucked with the slightest agitation, there is nothing to do but let it ring itself out.

We all know of the tears that turn to laughter. Or the laughing that breaks open to a cry. Or the anger that crumbles into a tender loneliness. Or the cool face of indifference that cracks, eventually showing its adhesive of fear. Amazingly, as the infinite forms of flowers all rise from the same earth, the early garden of emotions – in all their delicate shapes and colors – all rise from the same earth of heart.

What this opens for us is the often hard-to-accept fact that underneath there is only one unnamable emotion, which all feelings know as home. Despite our efforts to be happy and not sad, to be calm and not anxious, to be clear and not confused, to be understanding and not angry; despite all the ways we carve up our reactions to living and then run from one to the other; despite our fear of certain feelings, it is feeling each of them all the way through that lands us in the vibrant ache that underrides our being alive. To reach this vibrant place is often healing.

It is a hard thing, though, to lean into a sadness we don’t want, to let the tremor of anxiety work its way through. For myself, my resistance to unpleasant feelings has been my fear that if I give over to the sadness or anxiety or confusion or pain that is upon me, I will drown in it. I fear it will take over my life. I will become nothing but sadness or anxiety or confusion. But what I discover, again and again, is that feeling any one feeling deeply enough – that is, thoroughly and completely – somehow opens me to the common source of all feeling. And at that source, no one feeling can last by itself. So, through our feelings, not around them, we come upon the unnamable source of all feeling that can heal us of the pain of any one mood.

  • Breathe steadily and know that you are safe in this reflective space.
  • Once comfortable, allow yourself to feel one moment of sadness or anxiety that you are carrying. Try to stay with the feeling until it begins to pass. Note the lessening of your sadness or anxiety, however slight, and call this the beginning of peace.
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Yoga Practice for Life Practice

Posted on 05/11/2012 by

my husband is a skeptic. he’ll be the first to admit it. to him, in this life you have to question everything. this works for him.

that’s not the way i look at things. i’ve decided to not discount anything that i can’t undeniably prove to be false. that leaves a lot of stuff out there up for grabs. and i’m oftentimes excited and elated about it all.

i have a beautiful yoga practice. my husband jokingly warns that it may be an addiction. i practice at my neighborhood studio four or five times a week. he says that i have an addictive personality and it could be unhealthy to go so often. i know that yoga has allowed me to see many obstacles and become open.

here is my understanding, so far,  of what yoga has done for me:

  • allows an awareness of my physical body, how it moves, when it needs rest, when it needs exercise and what energy level i’m dealing with at any given moment.
  • walking into yoga with the stresses of every day life and walking out after savasana (corpse pose), enjoying and being grateful for the release of that accumulated anxiety, confusion, fear, fogginess, anger, dismay, despair all wrapped up in tight little packages around my scalp, neck and shoulders.
  • given me the privilege of being in the moment, focused on my breath, and moving limbs and torso with that breath through a series of beautifully poetic asanas (poses) that come in so many variations and combinations that it’s awe inspiring.
  • offers an understanding that i am not my thoughts. that i am a divine being.
  • that the breath is everything. that to bring my attention to the breath is to be in the present moment which is all there ever is anyway.
  • naturally creates an awareness of what i put into my mouth, making the decision to eat healthy, limit my weight, and take care of myself from a physical standpoint as well as spiritual.
  • produces a calm that emanates from within and gives me the opportunity to see things as they are, and not how i fear or wish they might be.
  • with that internal calm comes an ability to choose more wisely and with more intention, which brings peace and assurance in any situation.
  • with the practice of meditation, no longer is there a need or urge to argue an opinion or deeply held belief because all things are subject to change and creating turmoil over an opinion or belief is a waste of time and energy.
  • understanding that we are all one in this vast universe that we have all manifested, that we create how we live and what we live through. that we are one living, breathing organism and it takes all living creatures living in harmony to create heaven on earth.
  • i see spiritual solutions now more often than selfish ones.

i could go on and on.

toward the end of our yoga class not long ago, we were meditating, taking in long, slow, deliberate breaths. my favorite instructor has taught me many ways to live and find my true self and this day was no exception. as we breathed in love and breathed out fear, she said “drink it in with your breath” and i did.

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